This week I felt the over-pull of my emotion through expectation...
"I'm not happy about what happened, I didn't expect this of them" & because they are... "I'm done, I'm not trying anymore, I'm washing my hands of it"
I was feeling frustrated & agitated (partly due to nature's calling) but mostly due to the thoughts I was having.
"See they don't really care, I knew this would happen"...I was becoming cynical & untrusting.
I physically felt my vibration lower...the pinch of tears beginning.
I wanna emotionally eat! I give in and gorge on chocolates which, for a health reason, I shouldn't be having. But in this moment I don't care.
As I finish the treats I'm feeling slightly sick & guilty for giving in, so easily.
Damn it! I had been doing so well.
The emotional eat hasn't done anything for me but make me feel more energetically depleted...my body literally can't move & a headache appears. "Oh great I'm coming down with something now - just what I need" I snipe sarcastically.
As I lay on the couch feeling down & pissed off my mind wanders off "hang on a minute why am I all of a sudden feeling this way, I've had such a productive day, I got loads done..?
Why am I really upset"
"Maybe it's something to do with the expectations you've placed on this situation & other people..."
Hmm yeah I am feeling the drain of sitting in these emotions a little longer than I usually would & it reminded me...
"Who the heck am I to dictate anything or make rules over other people?? Each to their own, we all have our own lives to live the way we choose, this frustration & expectation is only impacting me negatively, plus I don't even know the truth of the situation"
My thoughts were creating their own made-up scenarios & I had been rolling with them.
When we live in our expectations we only cause ourselves frustration, hurt & stagnant energy.
I had to make a decision wether I was going to be consumed by these thoughts & emotions or take charge & push through - I had a lot more work I had planned to get on with that evening.
Taking 5 minutes to figure out what my mind & body needed "DO IT NOW" came flooding into my mind...(the new motivational quote I picked up a few weeks ago, from a workshop I attended).
In that instant I made the decision to do both...work for 1 hour then rest (with no phone, no emails, no social media & an extra early night in bed).
Like magic my energy levels increased, I powered on & actually felt more productive.
By listening & tuning into what I needed physically & energetically I was able to achieve both things when 30mins prior my only thought was "forget it I'm not carrying on, I'm giving up on people, I'm going to lie here, cry & feel sorry for myself".
It can be easy to interpret a 'dip' as "I'm done" (& sometimes that is maybe exactly what is needed) but sometimes we need to find the PUSH button or the DO IT NOW button or even out the balance, even when we don't feel like it.
I could tell there was another message attached to this experience, a hint: Something is out of whack, balance or alignment..."what is it?"
Presently my mind is a jumble of information & ideas and at times I feel like I'm in dial up mode - finding it hard to shut off:
I'm overdoing it!
I'm not giving enough quality time to my awareness throughout the whole day - I have a fantastic morning routine but not so much in the evenings. I need a better structure - cut off times, better phone management & giving myself the headspace in the evenings to settle more.
And the last few days have not disappointed. My new set up has produced greater productivity & momentum and a clearer mind & decision making.
This week I've been reminded of the importance of listening to what our emotions are telling us -
our emotions can guide us to our solutions & answers and effect our outcomes, even ones we wouldn't have easily put together.
What I originally assumed was my overthinking & expectation turned out to be more about changes needed somewhere else.
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