Do you feel yourself in a constant state of "not getting it right"?
Do you feel you can't live up to the expectations of others or the ones you place on yourself?
Do you feel stress & complete overwhelm when people don't meet your high standards?
I remember the pain and suffering I would sit and be consumed by as I tried to control all the situations around me...
Because of the chaos that engulfed me everyday I tried to make it look as "perfect" as possible.
"There's nothing wrong with me" "I'm not feeling a certain way" "My mind doesn't feel like it's on a continuous loop of not making any sense" "Me?! I'm FINE"
Unbeknown to me, at the time, there was actually no way to control anything but my own reactions & feelings...what an unrealistic & impossible space I had created for myself.
Once we start to drop the illusion that we can't show where we truly are or it/we could have been any different - the perfection phantasm - we are able to release the need to attach ourselves or our thoughts & beliefs on to others.
And we can release the stories we build around ourselves, such as: "Because X happened, that makes me....X,Y,Z"
I no longer pretended to get it all right and it actually felt good to be open to my flaws - it was REAL and that felt freeing - letting go of the falseness, the pretence, the phantasm.
How do you help yourself let go:
By not attaching to the meaning if & when we mess up - it doesn't make us less than, unworthy or unlovable.
Accepting what is - accepting where we are on our journey and in our lessons.
Letting go of the control - the need to control outcomes, other people and their reactions & beliefs and the control that that there is a PERFECT/RIGHT way to be all of the time.
Each time I am honest with myself about my mistakes or simply where I am in life I feel more connected to myself and strangely less stressed and less confused.
The disconnect with our innate nature of learning & growth (which comes from messing up, making mistakes, getting it wrong, failing) can bring us confusion and fear in the impractical habitats we create.
Vulnerability used to scare the bejesus out of me (and don't be mistaken it still can & does) but now I enjoy the push, the raised anxiety a bit more because I know it is part of something greater. Part of something that needs to be shared for someone to hear, the connection that needs to be felt & shared to experience a different side of life or the growth that comes from self-reflection & self-honesty.
We want to see the realness in others, don't we...our love of reality tv shows shows that (ahem no judgement here who doesn't love a real housewives binge ;)) but we struggle to see it in ourselves.
We don't want to show the edgy messy bits that make us up, including our shadow side. The parts we tend to dismiss and cover up.
Of course it is a challenge to look at this side of ourselves never mind accept it and in the beginning I struggled. But time has allowed me to feel good to be able to be honest about my flaws. Now I can look at that side of myself objectively and understand that it is only a part of me. It's just a tiny little part of me, there doesn't have to be this big label and there no longer is.
We are all made up of different traits, characteristics and experiences. They don't make us who we are.
So I no longer pretend that parts of me don't exist. I don't try to hide it. I don't try to squash and bury it in a box of shame.
Perfectionism isn't real, it's an illusion created by our mind to keep us boxed in, keep us small, to keep us "safe".
But there is no harm in being open, honest, allowing, learning, failing, forgiving, changing - LIVING. Especially with ourselves.
What perfectionist trait can you let go of today..?
Never admitting to getting it wrong, letting go of control, pretending you've got all of your shit together, not seeking support or asking for some help when you need it...
Try dropping it & let's get REAL.
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